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What I Learned From a Womans Magazine
by David Leonhardt
What I Learned From a Womans Magazine By David Leonhardt
Its amazing what you can learn about marketing if you can just find the time to spend in a dentists waiting room. I was reading a certain womans magazine, which will remain nameless because of my allergy to lawsuits. The magazine obviously has figured out what sells well, given that it operates on a consistent formula.
For instance, one cover proclaims: 3 sizes slimmer by Memorial Day. Then, in one corner is a picture of Cookies n Cream Cake, while in another corner is a picture of Lollipups to brighten someones day.
On another cover, the main headline is: Lose that BELLY FAT!, while a secondary headline asks, Cant stop binging? Just to make sure that readers can answer, Yes, there is a nice picture in the corner of a Banana Split Cookie Cake labeled Yum!, and the promise of Family-pleasing Pasta dinners inside.
See a pattern? Lets try one more. The big headline reads: Lose 28 lbs by Thanksgiving. How? Perhaps the big picture of a Oreo Cookie Cheesecake labeled Yum! will give us a hint. Or the promise of Best-ever Potluck recipes.
OK. By now I am sure you see the pattern. Thats right - poor grammar, punctuation and capitalization.
The other pattern is, of course, the secret success formula:
1.Offer you a way to lose weight 2.Tempt you to put the weight right back on 3.Offer you another way to lose weight
I pointed this out to my dentist, hoping he might decide to increase the quality of reading material in his waiting room.
The next week, I returned to find that my observation had obviously made an impression on him. There was all new reading material: Yummy Deserts Magazine, Best Cakes Review, and The Sugar Mountain Weekly.
I noticed the décor had changed, too. Gone were the bare beige walls. Up were larger-than-life posters of cookies, cakes and ice cream. And strategically placed around the room were candy dishes.
Whats with all the changes? I asked.
Its all your idea, he said. You are a marketing genius. If I can get people to start working on their next cavities as they are walking out from my office, I can increase my business by up to 17%.
As he began to work in my mouth, I noticed a TV screen above. Datz nuu, I said.
Oh yes, he answered, flicking a button. See? I have it set at the All-Sugar Channel.
The dentist finished excavating and reassembled what was left of my mouth.
Here you go, He said proudly, handing me a lollipop.
Didnt you used to hand out toothbrushes? I asked.
Shh. Dont remind anybody of that. Toothbrushes are bad for business, he explained.
I just could not believe what I had seen. I headed over to the body shop to see how my car was doing. A few repairs were needed, thanks to some bozo on a cell phone who thought that a red light means stop when you hit another car.
Hows my car doing, Jack? I asked.
Its OK. You didnt get hit too hard, he replied.
Good thing he was only talking on a cell phone and not watching a game show on TV when he hit me, I remarked. Hey did you see whats going on at the dentist?
Yeah, whats he doing with all those cookie posters in his waiting room? Jack asked.
I explained how the womans magazine was building its customer base by tempting dieters with cakes labeled yum!
Its the dentists new business development program, I said.
I was about to pay for the repair work when Jack held out a cell phone and a mini-TV set. If you take the cell phone, I give you a five percent discount. Take the TV set and you get a ten percent discount.
What are you, doing? I demanded.
Hey, replied Jack. Its my new business development program.
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